Tuesday, February 2, 2016

Talk About It Tuesday: Fear


It is one of the things that everyone on earth has in common. No matter where you're from, what you do, or what your experiences have been we all share that common emotion.

Some of us are scared of creepy crawlies. Some of certain kinds of people. The dark, small spaces, heights...there are too many to list, but we all have at least one.

I am Claustrophobic. I HATE being held down (seat belts drive me inSANE). I don't like being touched/hugged unless I initiate it, especially my face. I don't like dark places. I freak out during thunder storms. I freeze in high heights (needless to say, I seriously can't stand those window elevators). None of these things control me, really. I've learned to cope with them. And every fear I have, I know, has stemmed from an experience relating back to it.

Fear reminds you.

But it doesn't have to win.

The two biggest fears I have, that have always controlled me, are my fear of success and of love.

I am a perfectionist...I come by it naturally. If I can't do something right...'perfect'...I don't want to do it. It prevented me from doing, or going to the end, with a lot of things in my youth. But over time, I realized that there is no such thing as perfection. All we can do is our best. It took me a very long time to learn that. And here I am today with eight published books...two on the way and three in the works. Success isn't something that is easy to achieve and it is on-going, as I've learned. I still don't consider myself successful in any way, but I have learned not to let my fear of it control me as much as it used to.

Love was always something I avoided as long as I remember. In my life, everyone who ever told me
Me and the love of my life, Ryan.
they loved me abused me, left me or died. I built twelve-foot steel walls around me for a very long time. If I could hurt you before you could have the chance to hurt me, I'd react that way, and there are times when I still do. I can count on one hand the number of people I have ever let get through that wall. I was that girl who said she'd never get married when all her friends wanted the 2.5 kids and white-picket fence. I buried myself in work. Today? I have four children, got married this year and am closer to the little family I have left that I'd pushed away for so long.

Fear isn't something that should control us. We should draw from it to give us the strength and courage to keep going forward. It tries to hold you back from the person you are supposed to be. Don't let it. There will be times when it does almost take over and you become so overwhelmed you give in. I've been there.

All I can say is that I wouldn't still be here if I'd allowed my own fears to win. I wouldn't have happiness. I wouldn't have love. I wouldn't have books in libraries or in people's hands. I'm not saying my fears aren't still trying to take over...I still feel them. Only that I have finally learned how to bring myself back to where I am by taking from THEM, rather than allowing THEM to take from ME.


Acknowledge it, but never let it beat you.

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