Mama's Muse: Guardian Angels

Well, I'm feeling a little nostalgic today being Easter.

This holiday was always a big deal for my family when I was younger, and it was the last holiday my grandmother was alive for.

This year will be the first that I don't have all my little munchkins with me as they celebrated over at their father's. It's all good. They still got to do our Easter egg hunt, and remember the true reasons we acknowledge this holiday.

I usually talk about Mommy-dom on our Mama's Muse, but I thought for today, I'd share a piece from my earlier writings. This is a soft review of the movie City of Angels, which I still hold as one of my favorite movies.

Feel free to share your thoughts...about the movie, your own Easter memories or a movie that has touched you in a similar way.

Have a wonderful rest of your day.

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I’ve always loved the idea of guardian angels watching over us. Someone to help us up when we fall, to comfort us while we grieve, to guide us down the path we choose and to guide us back when we go off track. The movie, City of Angels, strengthened my belief in angels and gave me comfort during a very tough time.

My grandparents were the most important people in my life. So, their deaths were excruciating for me. I lost them both within two years of each other. My grandmother’s death, although upsetting, wasn’t a shock. She’d been fighting Alzheimer’s most of my life so I had been able to accept, and make peace with, her death long before it happened. When Grandma died, I was sad but I was comforted by the fact Grandpa was still there.

But a couple of years later, the worst happened.

Grandpa had a massive stroke. The worst part was that I had been out of town at the time then he’d passed away the day after I got back. I didn’t even get to say a proper goodbye. The way he died, without warning and so suddenly, took a part of me with him. My soul was lost, leaving me frozen in a fog for several years.

I moved to a different city to start fresh. I figured with new faces, new experiences, I’d be able to move past my grief. But it seemed I couldn’t get past my sadness no matter how many good things I surrounded myself with. Then one day, I went to the local dollar theatre to catch an afternoon Matinee.

I’ve always loved movies. They take you off to a different world, away from the ‘norm’, where you can forget about your own life for a bit. We can laugh, cry, or scare ourselves silly. Or, better still, they can kick you in the rear end with reality.

The dollar theatre showed movies no longer showing in regular theatres. It was the same as renting, only seeing them on the big screen the way you’re supposed to. That particular day, City Of Angels was playing. I shielded myself from knowing the ending so I’d enjoy it more.

I’m glad I did.

I never give spoilers but this movie was one of the most beautiful movies I’ve ever seen. There is no other word to describe it.

It’s just…beautiful.

I was carried away on a wave of emotions from the opening scene, to the end of the haunting song echoing through the tiny theater during the credits. When the lights came back on, I, along with every other person there, sat weeping uncontrollably. For me, it was the first time I’d allowed myself to cry since my grandparents had passed away.

I think I was meant to see that movie at that particular point in time. I also believe my grandparents, somehow, guided me to that theatre to hear the messages in City Of Angels.

Unconditional love is always with us even if we’re only able to experience it for a little while, or if it is taken away from us suddenly. It’s what gives us strength to get up and face another day. Most importantly, true love never dies, whether it’s a friend, relative, child or lover.

The most significant message I took away from the movie is a quote from Nicholas Cage’s character, which I wrote on a piece of paper and still keep in my wallet. When asked by another angel whether Cage regretted giving up what he did for Meg Ryan’s character he answered, “I would rather have had only one day with her…to feel her love…than to have lived a lifetime without it.”

Because of that movie, I finally allowed myself to grieve. I also learned that, maybe, it’s not such an outrageous idea to believe we have guardian angels watching over us.

I know I do.