Monday, March 18, 2019

Music Mantra Monday ~ Remembering With Tears In Heaven

Welcome to our Monday segment! It's a bit later than usual but at least I'm getting it out. :)

I had an entirely different focus for today's post, but I think I'll save that for tomorrow. Just as I sat down to research songs for my original idea, my aunt texted me reminding me that my favorite Uncle's Birthday was today. I reached for the phone for our usual Birthday jab call then remembered...he isn't with me anymore.

My Uncle Craig passed away in September 2017. I barely recall hearing the news, but I will never forget the impact the news had on me. I literally dropped to my knees and sobbed, "No! Not Uncle Craig!" as my aunt comforted me from a distance. Of all the losses I've endured in my lifetime, his will be one I will never completely get over.

He was more than 'just an Uncle' to me, and I was more than 'just a niece' to him. We had that special bond you don't get with many people where you just knew when the other person needed you. I don't remember a time in my life when he wasn't there for me. He was my greatest supporter and ally. I used to kid with him how I should have hired him to help me with book promotion. He was the first person I'd call when I had good news, when I needed advice on something difficult I was going through or when I just needed a little pep talk. He made sure I always stayed on the path I needed to be on and whenever I'd veer off a bit, he'd only let me go so far down before reaching out to guide me back. He made me laugh, he consoled me in tough times and gave me some of the best life advice I've ever been given. Most importantly, he constantly reminded me that my existence in this world and my contributions to it mattered...I mattered, even when I didn't believe that myself.

I talked to him the day before he passed away. He didn't sound right. I knew something was wrong, but he joked and kept the subject away from him. Then he said something that didn't register at the time: "Keep moving, Tammer. You always do best when you keep moving. And don't forget that even though I'm a few miles away, I still got your back. Watch for those bluebirds." (That's a whole other short story...coming very soon.) Then he told me that he loved me and he'd talk to me soon.

That was it.

As hard as today is, I'm okay. Even though I can't give him his Birthday jab call, I know he's still right there waiting for it.

This song is for you, Uncle Craig.

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