I'm so excited about today's In The Spotlight. It's been awhile since I've highlighted interviews with phenomenal people doing amazing things in the SPD community but this is one definitely I had to share.
Cameron Kleimo isn't just sharing with us today based on her professional, educational and therapeutic credits. She's coming here also as a sensational mom who has worked very hard not only to understand this confusing disorder, but to share her experiences with other families going through the same thing.
She has fantastic insight on ways to help our children cope, as well as to remind us to focus on ourselves so we continue to be strong enough to help those around us.
I found our chat both informative and touching and I am so pleased to be able to offer another valuable resource to parents raising children with SPD. I sure wish I'd known her during the initial learning process years ago.
Without further ado, I introduce Cameron to our readers. Please feel free to comment, share or ask questions of your own, and do check out her website.
Happy Thursday!
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CHYNNA:
Welcome,
Cameron. I am very excited to have you here with us and glad that you can
squeeze us in around your very busy schedule. Why don’t we start with you
introducing yourself to our readers.
CAMERON: I’m a mom
of two incredible “differently-wired” boys who have sensory processing
disorder, a wife to a nerdy surfer, a mindfulness expert, and a parent coach
with a background in education and psychology. I teach a mindful parenting
class in the San Diego area and I have a website, www.sensorymom.com that
provides resources, validation, and support to parents navigating the bumpy and
bewildering road of raising kids who have atypical development. When I’m not
putting my mindfulness skills to the test with my spirited kids, you’ll find me
surfing, singing, or podcasting.
CHYNNA: Wow! I’m exhausted just hearing
your intro. lol Your focus and life changed completely after the birth of your
oldest son. Can you tell us about your experience?
CAMERON: Oh boy,
where do I start?! When my older son, H, was born, I was in the middle of
getting my Marriage and Family Therapy license and was a little over halfway
through my internship. My plan was to stay home with him for six months, then
return to work part-time to complete my remaining hours toward licensure. I had
my timeline all figured out and was planning on being able to start my private
therapy practice by the time H was two-years-old.
He ended
up being born four weeks premature via an emergency C section. The way I
usually explain it is, he came out screaming and never stopped! From the get-go,
I sensed something was ‘off’. It became clear pretty quickly that I wasn’t
going to be returning to work in six months. My entire focus became figuring
out what was going on with H and how to meet his needs. When he was fourteen
months, I tried returning to work two days a week. I lasted a month. There was
still too much going on with him developmentally, and he was still waking up
screaming every two hours throughout the night.
I vividly
remember the conversation I had with my husband when I realized I was going to
have to sideline my career goals. I’d returned from work that day exhausted, both
from the ongoing severe sleep deprivation and from a long day of seeing
back-to-back clients. Our nanny greeted me and then informed me that H had
cried for most of his nap. My heart sank. I’d asked her to call me immediately
if he was in distress (the clinic I worked at was 45 minutes away, but my
husband worked two blocks from our house and could have easily come home). At
that point, I knew I had to put my career on the back burner. That night during
dinner, I broke down crying to my husband. He was incredibly loving and
supportive. We agreed that my career could wait and that H needed my full-time
attention. I gave my notice the next day.
For the
next couple of years, I focused all my energy on being a mom (I had another son
when H was two), understanding my boys’ sensory needs (my younger son has SPD
as well), and learning as much as I could about sensory processing
disorder.
At some
point along the way, I knew that I would eventually combine what I was learning
about sensory processing disorder with my education and psychology background
to help other families who were experiencing similar challenges. I didn’t know
when I’d be able to do this, but I knew that when the time was right and I
could come up for air, I would start writing about my experience.
That time
came about a year ago and I launched Sensory Mom this past January.
CHYNNA: I can relate on a very deep level
to many of the issues that had concerned you, as I went through similar worries
and concerns with my daughter (and later on, my son as well), as well as
difficulty getting her help. Did you want to talk a little bit about what signs
you saw and what you did to attempt to help your son?
CAMERON: I knew
something was ‘off’ with H’s development very early on. My first sign was his
incessant crying. He cried All. The. Time. It was awful :( Our pediatrician
deemed him ‘colicky’ and chalked it up to his premature birth. Another sign was
that he wasn’t moving his body like the other babies in our Mommy & Me
group. At our weekly meetings, I’d watch as the other babies reached for and
brought their toes up to their mouths, rolled from side to side, used their
arms to push their bodies up when they were on their stomachs. Hunter did none
of these things. He screamed if I placed him on his belly, and when he was on
his back, he laid there, stiffening up his body, then relaxing, stiffening,
then relaxing. His movements seemed jerky and stiff.
I brought
my concerns up to our pediatrician, my husband, my parents, friends…everyone
dismissed me. The general consensus was that I was an overly anxious new
mother. What I learned from this, and something that I tell all the moms I work
with, is to trust your instincts! No one knows your child better than you. If
you think something is off, get it checked out.
At H’s
five month check-up, I brought videos in to show our pediatrician. After
watching them, she conceded that yes, in fact, his movements did look a little ‘stiff’.
She referred us to a pediatric physical therapist. Within fifteen minutes of
the PT evaluation, the therapist explained that H had ‘sensory motor’ issues.
We began weekly physical therapy and when he was eleven months old, we added in
weekly occupational therapy.
Some of
the other early signs were: difficulty self-regulating, difficulty crossing
midline, difficulty with bilateral coordination, a ‘funky’ crawl, delayed gross
motor milestones, reflux, digestive issues, extreme ‘shyness’, extreme
sensitivity to light and noise, difficulty staying regulated in dynamic
environments (birthday parties, crowded playgrounds, etc.), and trouble making
eye contact (turns out he has a severe vision impairment).
CHYNNA: I think it was brilliant that you
took videos to prove to your physician that something was truly wrong. I wish I
thought of that. I just waited for my daughter to let loose in his office for
him to ‘get’ it. lol Now, you’ve mentioned a lot about the importance of
self-help and that, as stressful as it can be raising a sensory-sensitive
child, if we aren’t well, we can’t create wellness in our children and others. Can
you describe what led up to this realization and the steps you took to get
there?
CAMERON: Oh boy, I
could write an entire book about motherhood and its effects on my self-care journey! Prior to becoming a mom, I had a history of
anxiety and had also recovered from an eating disorder. I’d done a ton of work
on myself, had been in recovery for many years, and had really dialed in my
self-care. Everything started to unravel when I had my first miscarriage. I
recently wrote a post about it. Following the
miscarriage, I struggled with infertility, had several failed fertility
interventions, a failed round of IVF which resulted in hospitalization and two
weeks of being extremely ill, then an ectopic pregnancy. I finally got pregnant
with H naturally, but by then, my anxiety was back in full force. It was
practically a full-time job managing my anxiety throughout my pregnancy. I’d
been traumatized by the first miscarriage-I found out during my first
ultrasound at 10 weeks-so, every time I went in for a scan (I had many since my
OB had flagged me as ‘high-risk’), I would become extremely anxious.
I was
able to relax a little during my second trimester and actually enjoy the
pregnancy, but early in my third trimester, my OB detected an ‘abnormality’
during one of the scans. She sent us to a specialist who determined that
everything was completely fine, but for 24 hours, my husband and I had to
process the idea that our son might have a ‘debilitating physical deformity’.
Needless to say, my anxiety sprung back into action.
Not
shocking that H was four weeks premature. He was also breech, so I had to have
a C-section. The build-up of all of this, combined with his atypical
development, threw me into a tailspin. All the self-care I’d so intentionally
built into my life, went right out the window. I don’t even know how to
describe myself during those first few years of motherhood. Saying I was a ‘mess’
doesn’t even begin to capture it!
It took
really hitting bottom to have a wake-up call and to start prioritizing my
self-care. I did it first through meditation. I started taking ten minutes
every morning to meditate. From there, the momentum began to carry me. I
created a morning routine that included meditation, journaling, and yoga. I
started taking walks after dinner and listening to podcasts on everything from
parenting to spirituality to health and nutrition. I started making time for
hobbies like singing, playing guitar, and surfing. Little by little, I started
to feel like me again.
My
experience taught me that far from being a selfish act, it’s actually selfish not to prioritize self-care. My boys
were certainly not benefiting from my being on the verge of falling apart. To
all the moms out there who feel like they’re drowning but feel like good
self-care is an impossible ideal, start small. Start with one thing you can do
each day to care for yourself. Maybe it’s taking a ten minute long hot shower. Maybe
it’s going for a fifteen minute walk after dinner. Or maybe it’s closing your
eyes and taking three nice, long, deep breaths. Whatever it is, commit to doing
something
every day to recharge your battery. Your
kids will benefit from this as much as or possibly more than you do.
CHYNNA: I can relate so much to all you’ve
gone through and applaud your openness in sharing the struggles that you’ve
overcome, and still working on. You are right, though. It’s all about balance
and doing everything we can for us so
we are better able to care for those around us. The work you’ve done to reach
out to other SPD families is so impressive. What sorts of assistance do you
offer to these amazing families?
CAMERON: Thank you
so much, I feel the same about you! I get emails every day from moms who are
struggling to understand their sensory-sensitive kids’ needs. I offer support
and additional resources via email and I also do one-on-one coaching via phone
or Skype. The moms I work with need someone to help them make sense of what’s
going on with their child, to give them some structure around how to handle
challenging behaviors, to guide them to the right resources and support, and to
provide validation and encouragement. This is what I do. I also coach moms on
how to dial in their self-care and how to create and stick to a self-care plan.
CHYNNA: I honestly think there are very
few people out there who can offer a solid combination of mom experience mixed
with the therapeutic side. You seem to blend these to aspects so beautifully. From
your experiences, knowledge and connection with other parents trudging through
the SPD world, what, in your opinion are the most important things we can do
for our children?
CAMERON: I think
the most important things we can do for our children are: To love and take care
of ourselves. This means taking time to know ourselves, to understand what our
triggers are from our own upbringings, to heal past traumas, to extend
ourselves some grace (go easy on ourselves). To love our partners and
prioritize our marriage. To replace our judgments about their struggles and
challenging behaviors with openness and curiosity so we can really attune to
what they are needing from us.
CHYNNA: That is phenomenal advice. I was
so focused on my kids at that time I’d forgotten about the other important
points you make here. Thank you. One of the gifts I have given my own sensory
kids is the gift of being able to advocate for themselves. Which, as you know,
involves not only helping them understand what is going on inside of them (as
each child with SPD is unique and so are their symptoms), but giving them the
words to help others understand and not just receiving empathetic, empty nods.
In what ways have you done this with your own boys?
CAMERON: I talk a
lot with my boys about how we are each unique and how there is no one else in
the world exactly like us. At night, before they go to sleep, we do a group
snuggle in my younger son’s bottom bunk. I always start off the snuggle by
saying the same three things: I’m so happy I’m your mommy; You are the only
you, and that makes you special; You are perfect exactly the way you are. We
talk about how everyone has things that they are good at and everyone has
things that are more challenging. I teach them that challenges are not ‘bad’,
they are just opportunities for us to learn and grow. I give examples of things I’m good at (yoga,
listening, organizing) and the things that are challenging for me (building
cool things with Legos, staying calm when the noise level reaches a deafening
decibel, letting things be messy). I invite them to think about the things they
are good at and the things that are challenging. Their answers are pretty
funny. A couple of nights ago, H said, “I’m really good at balancing on one leg
and I’m not very good at cleaning up.”
I always
tell a story during our group snuggle. I make up different ‘social’ stories
each night based on things the boys are struggling with. I change the
characters’ names, but only by one letter (i.e., Cameron would be “Mameron”). For
some reason the boys think this is hilarious! So, if H had a hard time that day
with self-regulation, and was grabbing toys away from his brother, the story
would be about a little boy named “G” who kept taking toys away from his
brother. I make a point to explain what both boys might have been thinking and
include ways “G” could have helped his body get back in the ‘green zone’. For
younger kids, using stories like this helps externalize what’s going on with
them and helps them understand it better.
H and I
talk about OT as well. I’ve explained what it is and why he goes. In an
age-appropriate way, I’ve explained what our nervous system is and how some of
us have more ‘sensitive’ nervous systems. That it’s not ‘good’ or ‘bad’, it’s
just how we’re made. He knows what his vestibular system is and what ‘proprioception’
is. I didn’t start explaining things in more detail until he was around five
years old. Over the past year, he’s been able to understand a lot more and has
been more curious.
I think
being open and honest is important and asking our kids questions, asking if they have any
questions. And emphasizing that everyone has differences. Differences are not
bad, they are what make us unique.
CHYNNA: I think what you’re doing, and
continue to do, with your boys is awesome. You are giving them the
understanding and tools to help others understand, and that’s so important. Do
you have any advice for parents in dealing with their SPD child in school? How
do you think we can get teachers and schools more on board?
CAMERON: H just
started Kindergarten, so we’re right in the beginning of our school journey. My
advice is to talk to your child’s teacher as soon as possible. Write her an
introduction letter (they have a great template on Understood.org) and tell her
about your child. Set up a meeting in the beginning of the school year to
introduce yourself and to talk about your child’s needs.
I also
recommend meeting with the school psychologist and/or the school reading
specialist. I met with our school’s reading specialist back in May to figure
out the best class placement for H. Based on my description of his history and
his needs, she determined the teacher who would be the best fit.
Keep in
regular contact with your child’s teacher and, if possible, sign up to be a
classroom volunteer.
It’s
shocking how few teachers are educated about sensory processing disorder. The
more we advocate for our kids, the more the word will spread. Print out some
SPD resources for your child’s teacher (some great ones on understood.org and
spdstar.org).
CHYNNA: You are so right, Cameron. I felt
very much on my own when my oldest started school. It wasn’t until she was in
therapy and I had documents from the OT with suggestions that things started
falling into place. These children can’t simply be left alone to their own
defences, then taken somewhere else isolated from their classmates. It’s a
learning process for everyone that parents needs to initiate. Great advice. I’d
love for you to share what you consider on the top of the list for parents who
are just beginning their SPD journey?
CAMERON: There are
three things I wish I’d known at the beginning of my SPD journey and I would
love to pass on to parents who are at the beginning of theirs.
1.
Everything is going to be okay.
2. It’s
not your fault.
3. This
is huge opportunity for growth.
Everything
is going to be okay is the main message I want parents to internalize. It’s so
scary at the beginning. When you don’t understand exactly what’s going on with
your child, you don’t know how it’s all going to pan out. You have so many
unanswered questions, so many worries and so many fears. I was consumed by
worry and fear for the first few years of motherhood and it was horrible. When
I think back to that time, I wish I could give my new mom self a giant hug, tell
her to take a deep breath and just trust that everything is going to be okay,
no matter what.
The other thing that’s at the top of the
list is to get support. Not just for your child, but for you! Reach out to other moms, join online
communities, schedule your own session with your child’s OT to ask all your
questions, seek out people who understand what you’re going through and ask
them for help. You aren’t meant to do this alone and there are so many parents
out there who understand exactly what you’re going through.
CHYNNA:
Fantastic advice, Cameron. Unfortunately, we’ve come to the end of our lovely
chat. I’m going to ask you a question I ask many of our guests here, and I can’t
wait to hear your response. Please share with us any pearls of wisdom you have
for our readers.
CAMERON: Let’s
see…. Pearls of wisdom…. I have a couple of favorite quotes that help anchor me
when I’m feeling overwhelmed. “If you want to change your child, change
yourself,” and “Children need the most love when they are acting the least
deserving of it.” Also on repeat in my mind are, “Everything is exactly as it
should be,” “I can do hard things” (that
one is from Glennon Doyle of Momastery), and “I am a calm mom” (that one I have
to say a lot!).
I love
looking at SPD as riding a wave. That analogy helps me so much. Just knowing
that the water is going to get rough, the waves are going to get big, I’m going
to get pummeled, but eventually things will become calm again, I will come up
for air, and we will all be fine.
One thing
last thing…not really a pearl of wisdom, but something that has been very
helpful for H in terms of his self-regulation has been making dietary changes.
Specifically cutting out gluten, sugar, soy, and corn and following a
keto-paleo diet.
He’s
a very picky eater, so it’s been tricky. I know from the Sensory Mom community
that picky eating is a huge struggle. The way we’ve been able to make progress
in this area has been explaining to my boys that we have ‘good bugs’ and ‘bad
bugs’ in our bodies and that the foods we eat feed those bugs. I’ve taught them
about foods that feed the ‘bad bugs’ (sugar, processed foods, etc.), and foods
that feed the ‘good bugs’ (lean protein, vegetables, healthy fats). This has
been surprisingly helpful! It’s not that they aren’t allowed to eat any of the
foods to feed the ‘bad bugs’, but they know that we eat these foods very
sparingly because otherwise we get too many bad bugs in our bodies, then we get
sick and feel sluggish. I’m about to do a blog series on gut health in which
I’ll have lots of tips for readers on how to get their kids’ diets dialed
in.
The
other thing that I think can sometimes get overlooked is sleep. H’s number one
behavioral trigger is being tired. When he starts to get tired and feels
fatigued, he completely falls apart. We see more meltdowns and more explosive
behaviors. I know this is another common issue with sensory kids. Creating a
solid bedtime routine, with an early bedtime (7pm seems to be the magic
number), has been hugely helpful as has using the Dreampad. We just starting
using this a few weeks ago and I can’t believe the difference! H had gotten
into a pattern of waking up once in the middle of the night and again around
5am. He’s also been a very restless sleeper. I can hear him thrashing around
during the night from our room. Since we started using the Dreampad, he’s not
waking up in the middle of the night and he’s been sleeping until 6:15 am,
sometimes 6:30am, which has been amazing! I’m so excited about his progress, I
wanted to pass on that tip to your readers. We borrowed a Dreampad from our OT
clinic to try it out first before purchasing one. We use the Slim Support model.
It’s a little pricey, but not too bad. Right now it’s on sale for $119.
My
last pearl of wisdom is, as often as you can, celebrate your child’s wins,
focus on what he or she is doing well, look for moments of connection, and when
you feel yourself rapidly approaching the red zone, just breathe. Close your
eyes, breathe, and say, “Everything is going to be just fine.”
CHYNNA: Those are some of the most wonderful and wise
pearls I’ve heard in a while. And, thank you for bringing up the importance of
good nutrition and sleep. I found both make a huge difference, both in my kids
as well as myself. I am so glad you made time to join us today, Cameron. You
are a delight and your insight is so valuable. Please come back again when you
have more time. I’d love to hear about your take on proper gut care. Virtual
hugs to you.
CAMERON: Thank you so much,
Chynna. I’m so happy to be in touch with you and to find a kindred spirit. I
love the work you’re doing and am so inspired by the ways you are helping so
many families :)
Please
be sure to check out Cameron on the following links to get to know her and the
work she does to help other sensational parents.
Cameron’s
Website/blog: http://www.sensorymom.com/
Cameron’s
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/cameronkleimo/?tn-str=k*F
Cameron’s
Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/cameronkleimo/pins/
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