Monday, January 21, 2019

Music Mantra Monday ~ Bridge Over Troubled Water

Today's song choice is probably one of the most powerful songs I've shared on here for a while. It's funny. I've heard this song since I was in my early single digits but I never had an emotional connection with it...until now.

I've written hundreds of articles and blog posts, participated in interviews and given pep talks about the importance of staying true to who you are, even if there are bumps to go over in order to get there. Life isn't easy. I've said this many, many times. If it was easy, then no one would learn anything. And the life we live is based on the decisions we make, the choices we opt for, what influences are close to us and how we handle those tough times when we're knocked on our butts. I've given advice, suggested resources, been a shoulder to cry on and even helped set those who want to go on a better path at the starting line to try again. But what happens when that one person...that one person you care about so much your heart could explode...doesn't want to change their path that you know is destroying them? What do you do when you offer all of the aforementioned tools, and you can see that deep down they really want to reach out, but they turn the other way?

I've literally spent my entire life trying to help others who won't help themselves.

Not can't.


And it used to make me so angry when I was younger because I just could not fathom how a person could allow themselves to fall, and continuously fall, but not accept help when it's offered. Even at a young age, I knew that it showed more courage to acknowledge mistakes, a wrong turn on life's path or a poor choice and do what's possible to set things straight than it was to carry on down a self-destructive path. It got to the point where I had to turn away from those I tried to make a difference for because it simply hurt too much to keep watching it happen. And, honestly? I'm not alone in thinking that I can only hear, "I'm sorry," or "It'll never happen again," or "I've learned my lesson," or, my personal favorite, "I'll change," so many times before the words become robotic and meaningless.

I've been accused several times of being cold-hearted, unfeeling, distant and uncaring for my decision to stop trying to help when I realize it isn't really helping, but enabling. The truth is that there aren't many other people out there who care more, feel more or worry about those I truly care about more than me. Those who think I'm a bitch because I put my hands up and say, "Enough!" don't see that it still hurts me to know they are still choosing the wrong path. Those who mark me as not caring because I won't house them after they've given me endless reasons not to trust them anymore don't see that I actually find ways of making sure they're still okay. Those who say I don't feel because I refuse to give in yet again when the end results of me doing so trickle down to affect me and my children don't see me cry at night and say silent prayers for them.

This song says everything I've said here in such a beautiful way. I have someone very dear to me who is choosing to live a life that I see is, literally, eating them alive. And after trying all that is in my power to help lift them up, they turn away believing where they are is better. All I can do at this point is remind them that I will always be here, that my love for them will never change, that I will always see the good in them no matter what they're doing out there and the help is here when they're finally ready to take it.

As said in the lyrics, "I lay me down" to give you a bridge over troubled waters.

I can only pray they'll be strong enough to cross it.

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